Making a Big Move

My husband Larry and I were considering downsizing in 2018, especially after we found out our first grandchild was on the way. Our daughter Anne got married after college and joined her husband in his native California. She and her husband were planning a move to north Idaho to raise their family there. My son-in-law stated that he wanted about 5-10 acres of land….room for “free-range children”. After they made the move and our granddaughter was born, I began to think about how difficult it would be for Anne to travel back across the country if either of us had a major health incident. Being an only child has its drawbacks. Larry also pointed out that we would have to be resigned to seeing our grandchildren grow up via FaceTime or we’d have to invest heavily in the airline industry.

We made several visiting trips to Idaho and eventually decided that it made sense to move closer to Anne and her growing family. Our last visit was in early March 2020 and we got home in time for the world to stop for a pandemic. We had worked with a realtor in Idaho and had a sketchy idea of what housing choices we could expect. The process wasn’t going to to be fun or easy.

And so began several months of discarding, selling, renovating, packing, and…the hardest part…cutting ties to our native state. It sounds like an methodical list, but it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. COVID restrictions made it simple to stay at home to do the hard work of discarding our former lives, but the stress of a thousand emotional decisions while doing so took its toll. I know that many people who are younger than 40 roll their eyes about crying over Grandmother’s deviled egg plate, but that plate was heavy with memories. While it joined many items that would not make the move, I knew the memories associated with those items would travel with me.

Even harder than letting go of deviled egg plates and such was saying goodbye to family and friends. My mother passed away in 2015, but my dad was able to stay home alone for a few more years with the help of my older brother, myself, and my younger sister. As he regressed into needing more assistance the decision was made to move him into an assisted living facility. This was done in early January 2020. The last time I was able to visit with him was in late February, before long-term facilities were closed for all visitors. When Larry and I returned from our Idaho trip in March, I tried talking to Daddy on the phone, but he was becoming more confused and wondered why no one came to see him anymore. I had no worries about his care, but knew my outgoing and funny Daddy was disappearing and I couldn’t even reassure him. In early June, we were allowed in to see him for goodbyes. His death certificate read “failure to thrive” and I still find that to be a sad commentary.

Selling a house during the COVID restrictions was difficult. It was a bit discouraging to know we would be moving to a “hot” area of the country and would be losing square footage and yet paying more. Our move, though, was guided from above and one positive domino after another led to a successful sale, a providential cross-country home purchase, and the ability to stay in my dad’s home until time to drive across the country. We used that time to plan our trip, something I dreaded more than a parachuting expedition. More COVID restrictions and closures made the 5 1/2 day trip challenging as we sought food and lodging along the way. The complete story of that that trip will have to wait for another day, but suffice it to say that driving two cars through big cities without missing critical exits and staying in communication about coffee and bathroom stops tested our nerves. It was also quite disconcerting to hear the GPS indicate we should access I-90 West and continue for “1,176 miles.” The scenery along our trip was strange to us, but mostly beautiful. As we drove west we often drove several hours without seeing a single gas station, store, or small town. As we crossed our big country we were protected by a big God…and we were thankful to arrive in Idaho in time for our closing and move-in that mid-September.

Was the whole moving across country thing difficult? YES! Was it worth it? YES! We are able to weave ourselves into our daughter’s life, play with our grandchildren, and explore new opportunities. We have a church family and new friends and we will always have the memories that moved with us. We are fortunate to have friends and family back in NC who stay in touch. As I write this, grandchild number three is making his appearance. Our lives are blessed and I am grateful beyond words.

I’ve often thought since we have become settled that I’ve made many “big moves” in my life and I bet you have, too. Some have been geographical, some emotional, and some spiritual.

It’s always easier to learn their lessons as you look back…hindsight is 20/20.  Looking back occasionally is a good activity during this life season of middle-age, but don’t forget to keep looking forward. It’s true that no one likes change except wet babies. It’s also true that embracing a change that will positively challenge and push you to do more than you thought you could is a good thing.

Rebecca Fagge

I loved teaching young children for 30 years, but the educational system made my efforts difficult so I retired earlier than I had planned. Since then I’ve been on a journey of trying different activities.

https://Rfagge@icloud.com
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